Thursday 14 May 2015

Conforming to Society & Falling Pregnant

With the new arrival of a princess it prompted me to a do a blog post relating to pregnancy and conformity.

So in 2 days time I turn another milestone. 30 years old. The good thing is, I don't feel 30 in my head, and I'm glad to say I don't look it either if I do say so myself! (thanks to my genes!).

One question that has been popping up in more and more conversations with family, friends, and acquaintances is babies. Am I thinking about starting a family any time soon? Do I think I'll ever have kids?' Do you know you start developing complications when you get into your 30's? etc etc...

Out of all my close friends, I am the only one without children, and I have been for a few years now. But guess what, I'm ok with that. I have my own life, my own interests, and certainly my own mind, and I haven't followed the crowd. That in itself is debateable because starting a family in your twenties is very common, so I guess its not really 'following the crowd' but sometimes its just something that happens, however I feel people feel societies pressures almost subconsciously forced them into starting a family, even though they may not realize. Others are admittedly planned, and its something that they've wanted for a long time.

I have been with my partner over 7 years now, so I can see why its becoming a common question to ask, but I just want to emphasise to any younger readers out there, don't feel like you have to follow your friends and do what's 'common' in society at that time, in order to fit in. You may fit in for a short while, but at the end of the day when that door closes at night, its you that will be left to cope with everything. I feel sorry for teenage mums, just because they haven't lived their own lives enough, to then have to grow up overnight and take on the responsibility of another life. Sometimes I still have the odd tantrum and sulk, so becoming a mother 10+ yrs ago I really don't think I would have coped!

I moved out of my mums house 4 years ago and got a mortgage with my boyfriend. For the past 4 years, I've been adapting to being a 'proper' grown up, living with a guy (and his ways!) and also finding new passions that I might not have had before. Due to owning my own house I've developed a massive love for home interior. I've found myself becoming a lot more creative in general and wanting to give more and more things a go. When I moved from my mums I felt like I had a new lease of independence, and life became exciting all over again. (I had lived at uni previously for 5 years but being a student, that was a little different because I was there for different reasons). Due to us both working full time we have had the ability to have some fantastic holidays, and visit places that some only dream of. I have just generally been enjoying time as a couple, and I know as soon as a baby comes along, this kind of time becomes precious and very rare. I feel like I had a lot of things to get out of my system before I even thought about planning for a baby, and I know that the fancy holidays we've encountered and my other hobbies probably wouldn't have happened if a baby was present.

Some women are just naturally maternal from an early age and plan to start a family early on, and their heart is 100% in it and they're not bothered about 'missing out' on lives other luxuries, and good on them for thinking that way. However I think because I have a few regrets in life from a few years ago, I'm trying to play catch up now.

I once had a conversation with a friend who was (in so many words) telling me she had done it (having children) the 'correct' way  because by the time she's 45, both children will be able to see to themselves and be left to their own devices and she will have her life back. However my argument is that I'd rather have my life now, whilst I'm young and fit and be able to do the things I want to do rather than when I'm 45, when all the aches and pains start, and maybe the things that you wanted to do when you were in your twenties but couldn't (because of the children) you can no longer do any way because of your age/health! (I'm not saying everyone who is 45 is unfit and unhealthy!).

However I will say I am now coming to a time in my life where I feel that there is a gap to fill. I'm feeling a little lonely - not because I don't feel that I fit in with all my other friends (because I've honestly never felt that way... unless they all decide to have a conversation revolving around their children at the dinner table!) but more so because of my partners work patterns. 50% of his working pattern is nights, and unless he changes jobs, it'll be like this till he retires. It's nights (and sometimes days) were I sometimes get lonely. I am a very independent person, but there's only so much time you can spend on your own before it drives you crazy. I am beginning to feel like there is definitely a void growing in there somewhere and I am slowly approaching that stage in my life where I am becoming ready to start a family.

So for those that are reading, please don't jump into starting a family to 'fit in' with society/your friends, because although you may fit in, that is only a temporary thing, whereas a baby is 'not just for christmas', they're for life. You'll know when it feels right in your heart of hearts...


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